Today I sat for a while, and updated this site with some new work for the first time in nearly a year.
I looked back on what summer 2016 brought my boyfriend and I, and what was taken away from us the following fall. We suffered a loss we didn't even realize we were at risk of losing, and when it happened, it altered the way I viewed the world. I had barely enough time to accept the circumstances, before it was taken away. It changed the two of us, and it challenged us.
I let myself fall into something dark, knowing that it was going to be okay. That a little darkness was alright, and allowing yourself a bit of sadness was the key to appreciating the light you had. I put myself on autopilot, knowing that I could rely on my mask to get me through work and my final year of college.
I holed up within myself, and voluntarily entered the belly of the whale, determined to break through the cage I had entered on my own. I was patient with myself.
I told myself, focus, and you will make it out alive.
Now about a year later, I have finally finished my bachelor's degree after 9 years of trial and error. I wonder, if last October had gone a different way, would this degree be put on hold even longer? Or would the victory be even sweeter.
And I'm learning to rediscover my voice as an artist, although now I'm realizing it probably never left me.
This post is a tad dark, so I'm sorry for anyone who came here to read it, but I did say...these are my thoughts. And I'm an interesting person, I will give myself that. Nothing worthwhile is without a bit of struggle, I've told myself this my entire life. You wouldn't read a book if there was no pain with the promise of a happy ending, would you? No pain no gain. The best stories are laden with drama
I'm just grateful that I can paint again.